I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
