I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
