my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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