I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
There are leaves in my underwear?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
