so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
