i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
