they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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