atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
