Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
