Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize