my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
