i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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