I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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