The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
