Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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