I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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