Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
