i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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