What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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