Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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