I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
