pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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