omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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