Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
this hospital has no fireball
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
