stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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