I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
