K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
