Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
