Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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