just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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