I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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