A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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