Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
