you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Actions speak louder than pants.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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