I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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