Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
