I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
