You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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