My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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