you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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