you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
