We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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