Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
