The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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