we have pet lesbian snakes
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
