I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
