Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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