watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
