I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
