Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
