She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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