I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
