And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
