If i come over, it means nothing
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
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then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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