respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
why do cheetos always look like penises
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
