She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
