Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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