You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
