i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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