What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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