I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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