I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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