Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
