I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
