So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
