It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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