Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize