I wish my penis had an off switch
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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