today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
