My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
