Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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