I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
