so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just threw up on my dentist
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
