Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
