piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
