His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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