I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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