I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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